This post is part of the ongoing blog breakdown series where I dive into the official lyrics, stories and thoughts that inspired the lyrics for the recently released Passing Harsher album. If you haven’t yet, give the record a spin on bandcamp and jump back to the first blog on this record by clicking this handy link.

Today we’re talking about track 5 on the record: What I’ve Been Doing.

Listen to the album in full on bandcamp!

Stream “What I’ve Been Doing” and then read on for the official lyrics and my blog breakdown.

What I’ve Been Doing (Official Lyrics)

I’d been holding off for your decision
Watching plans get swept up by the waves
While you’ve been busy imagining the future
I’ve been putting my blocks into place

And it’s starting to take shape
There’s not much left to say
You wanted it this way

Now you don’t wanna know what I’ve been doing
Wouldn’t believe a word anyway
Had your chance but love makes no excuses
I tried but you didn’t want to change

And I don’t know what to say
How fast these ladders fray
When you pull, you push away
Until it breaks

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I know I said “Anything To Say” is my favourite track on this record, but this one is a close second.

“What I’ve Been Doing” is about taking charge and control of your life when you realize that not everyone has the same goals or interests as you do. This could manifest itself in all sorts of ways, whether it be school, work, relationships or otherwise, but for me it comes from a place of love and longing.

Sometimes I think about how often in my life I’ve found myself just waiting for other people to want to be on the same page as me or to be ready for whatever activity we were aiming to do and in doing that how frustrating it was, how much time was wasted and how much further along I might’ve been if I had the confidence just to go through with it myself.

Because it’s while you lay in waiting that so many things continue to happen, to change, to move forward, and it can be difficult not to be bitter and feel left behind.

So now, I find it best when I’m in those types of situations again (and I do try to avoid them), is to continue moving forward in whatever way you can. It can seem incredibly daunting at first to go alone towards your goals or ideas but there reaches a point where the blocks start to settle into place that you can really start to see the finish line and that’ll give you the drive you need to keep inching towards it.

The funny part about when you start doing this and reach that level of confidence and understanding in yourself that you can accomplish whatever it is you’re working towards, that’s the moment that suddenly those feet-draggers are blowing up your phone and wanting to join in. Now, all of a sudden, with the initial heavy lifting out of the way, they’re interested and invested in you again.

And then you sort of have to make a critical choice – to include them, knowing full well this was the sequence of events and that they can drop off any time they feel it’s too hard or again uninteresting to them, or, press on yourself.

“What I’ve Been Doing” is about pressing on yourself.

It’s the road less travelled and it’s the more challenging option but it’s also the most rewarding and the one that I believe will bring you the most inner peace.

In the chorus I’m speaking more to those who want to hang on to you, which in many instances is exactly what will hold you back, and being strong enough to keep your head high as you keep working; don’t let these types of people distract you. The reality is they wouldn’t understand the importance and the level of work required and it’s not worth trying to continue to explain to them something they’ve already shown you they’re not interested in being a part of.

When they start to realize that now they’ll be the ones left out, they’ll try to hang on tighter, pull you back harder, and in my experience that only makes the situation worse and makes you less inclined to want to include them in anything going forward. It’s like the constant nagging of a simple task, “I’ve already asked you 7 times to put away those bags, now you’re making a point to tell me you’ve gone ahead and put away a bag but this conversation started 9 weeks ago and the bananas are now rotten on the floor.”

When you find those that are as committed to you/your project as much as you are to them, I believe it’ll be much more obvious – they’ll make that love and appreciation known in whatever way they know how to, and if you’re ready to receive it, you’ll always know it’s there.

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Next time, let’s try track 6!