Today brings us to track 3 on Jestem Krzywym Lasem, here’s our breakdown of “Without You”.

I’ve spoken a bit about “Without You” before, even sharing a snap from when and where it was written back in December 2020. I had actually woken up one morning and some of the lyrics started swirling around my head as I worked up the strength to get out of bed to go feed Dakota, and later that week I took my notebook downstairs to finish it and make sense of the idea that was formulating.

I was sort of actively avoiding it for a few days, not feeling ready enough to sit and think about, well, what I was thinking about. But it kept pushing its way to the forefront of my mind so as I sat at the bar in the basement, a place I’d spent a lot of time growing up, I wrote everything that came to me as quickly as it came out, like a landslide.

It was probably the song on the record that took the least amount of time to write as a result, and for a couple weeks that followed I let it sit, thinking it needed more, but ultimately what I settled in on in the end is just what came out that day.

About the Track

Despite it being one of the ones I wrote the quickest once I finally sat down and committed the time to it, it was one of the most difficult, too, in that I found myself not wanting to put these thoughts down on paper and admit them to myself.

I think one of the hardest things to do is not just admit your own faults but commit to changing them, and I was still very much in the throws of that when I wrote this. At this stage in my life, I’m actually really comfortable admitting when I’ve done something stupid or brash, and I know that it doesn’t serve me or anyone else to ignore the steps I need to take to correct those things. And that’s about half of what this song’s about.

The other half is about feeling like maybe you deserve to be alone, or at bare minimum, you still need to spend more time living with yourself before you can really determine where you want to take yourself while you’re here on this Earth, and only when you’ve become that person can you find the right person/partner and give them that best version of yourself. Until then, when it comes to relationships, I feel like we’re all sort of just going through life unconsciously, chasing something we see other people have, so we know it’s attainable but, why don’t we have it yet? Will we?

“Without You” really dives into the feelings of loneliness and despair you can get wrapped up in when you feel like there might not actually be that person out there for you, because surely if there was you would’ve met them by now, and they’d make you feel like you were as deserving of their love as they are of the love you want to give in return. Sometimes you’re even having those same thoughts as someone, that someone, is right beside you, but you’re still, for some reason, chasing something else that you’re not getting from them. And maybe it’s all in your head, or maybe there’s more to all of it than just finding someone you’re willing to sleep beside at night.

At the end of the track, I come to terms with, in my own life, realizing that I jump into things too quickly, and that yeah, I might be chasing something that isn’t really there or won’t ever be there in the way I imagine it to be, but there’s still something pulling me out and away, and life’s too short not to reach out for it, no matter what it costs or how big those next obstacles and hurdles look like.

Official Lyrics

It came rushing in like a landslide
I felt your heart beating, steady pulse in my side
All choked up soon as I heard you say
The words I’d been repeating but couldn’t appreciate

It knocked me to the ceiling
Realizing my mistake
Wanted to turn myself in
But for what, who and when
Only one thing was certain and I had to find out
Didn’t know if I deserved it but I had to know now

Cause I don’t want to live without you
Feels like I’ve been missing out
Don’t know what I’m still waiting for
Shrouded in a cloak of doubt
If there was ever any other way
To have you by my side
Know I’d give up everything
Just for the chance to try

It’s leading me down a dark winding tunnel
All the lights that lined the way burnt out
Reached for support but the walls have crumbled
Swept away by the rocks as they fell

And I feel you watching as I hunt for the exit
A door opens and two hands guide me to it
Start to feel like I’m falling as I’m jolted awake
And there you are by my side still sound asleep

And I know I don’t want to live without you
Feels like I’ve been missing out
Don’t know what I’m still waiting for
Shrouded in a cloak of doubt
If there was ever any other way
To have you by my side
Know I’d give up everything
Just for the chance to try

The Original Demo & “Official” Music Video

This video was shot on May 5th 2021 in Barrie, Ontario in the forest behind my house. Dakota and I had moved to Barrie for what we hoped to be a fresh start, but it ended up being a short lived 4 month experience that neither of us will forget.

It was all shot on my iPhone and then quickly edited together in iMovie. No special effects here, just wanted a unique way to share the song and try my hand at some movie editing. Since the song itself is a little depressing, I thought some fun songs of Dakota frolicking in the woods would brighten the mood.

A Little More

All of the songs on Jestem Krzywym Lasem were recorded in the same manner, except for this one. Where all of the other acoustic guitar tracking was done in one shot without a click and then sung over top, “Without You” was done to a click, but the same two bars (my preferred 2 bars after playing it through once) are just looped throughout.

The vocal though, all one shot, and it’s the only song on the record where there’s no accompanying backing vocal. I got a little emotional tracking the vocals for this one and debating a few times over if I should re-track it for the EP from the Demo, but ultimately decided against that, so this is all the same original demo recording, but I tidied the mix up a little bit.

Coming up in a couple days, we’ll jump into track 4, “Butterflies”.

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Keep reading the blog series on Jestem Krzywym Lasem:

Track 1: Quiksand
Track 2: Driveway
Track 3. Without You (You Are Here!)
Track 4: Butterflies
Track 5: Such Great Heights